There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
