I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
well you can't waste a boner
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize