Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
