I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
