Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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