Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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