I want to make a zoo with you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
