i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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