Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
