My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize