Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize