This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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