Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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