man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
