Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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