I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
