I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
