I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
