So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
