Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
