just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize