At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize