You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
