Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
