Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize