3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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