I heard we made out
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
