OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize