I'm drive I can fine osifer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
