we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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