$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
