definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
