I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
