i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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