I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
