Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
