Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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