Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
