Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
