My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
