1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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