Even the bartender felt bad for me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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