I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
