I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
