i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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