You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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