i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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