Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
