it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
