remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
