I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
