Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
PANTIES FOUND
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