im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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