I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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