it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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