I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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