Quick, to the slutcave!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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