I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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