Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
