so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
