At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
