He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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