She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
