Dude my mom stole all your condoms
even my farts smell like vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
