i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
