I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
