im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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