I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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